Buddhist Wisdom for Navigating Breakups and Divorce

I was up at 5 am this morning, even though it’s Sunday and really, I should just be normal and have a lie-in.

What was it that got me up so early?

Well, it was the desire to put this down on paper, so here it goes.

There was one thing in particular that always drew me toward the teachings of the East, especially Buddhism, and that is the concept of Samsara.

Now, I’m not qualified to teach Buddhism, nor do I want to attempt to, as it would take several lifetimes for me to even try. But what I can do is share my understanding of it and how I apply it to my life.

In Buddhism, Samsara is the endless cycle of being born, dying, and being reborn, filled with suffering.

The goal is to break free from this cycle and reach Nirvana, where suffering ends.

The way I see it, we live in a world full of suffering, much of which is self-inflicted, often unconsciously. This is what Buddhism calls ignorance. In other words, we act out of habit and conditioned responses, something I discuss in my book, ‘How Did I Get Here?’

Where am I going with this?

Yesterday, I was at a women’s business networking event.

Initially, I found myself struggling to stick it out, expecting the same rhetoric and superficial exchanges. But I noticed something different. These women shared their stories and promoted their services authentically, without the usual pretence.

For the first time in a long time, I felt we were truly connecting, having real conversations, and supporting each other. Although we all need to earn a living, losing sight of what truly matters leads to a hollow pursuit of happiness.

Part of my Buddhist journey has been a stark reminder of my own mortality, constantly highlighted through my work with people living with cancer and, sadly, those dying from it.

This daily reminder of life’s preciousness is a key teaching in Buddhism.

Why don’t we talk about death?

Why do we push it to the back of our minds, when surely every single moment, this one truth should be at the forefront? You might think it's morbid, but in my Buddhist community, we see death as inevitable, not morbid.

Keeping death in mind is crucial because it reminds us that life can be taken away in a split second. This realisation helps me avoid frustration with the material focus that causes so much suffering.

Our job while we are here is to live in this world with the aspiration to help others and to do that we must be our best selves.

But how can we be our best selves in a world that is constantly outwardly focused?

Well, simply by remembering that every single moment is a gift.

We should be grateful for the air we breathe, the food we eat, the clothes we wear, and the bed we sleep in. Especially since this is a luxury many do not have.

With this sense of gratitude, we can live our lives with purpose.

But what purpose?

To accumulate more money, buy bigger houses, or get flashier cars? We’ve tried that, and where has it led us? To a society where mental health issues are rampant and everything and everyone is disposable.

I often want to shout, “Stop!” Let’s just pause for a moment.

We don’t need more of anything except love, compassion, connection, and peace.

I hear you asking,

- but Anna, what does this have to do with your work as a Breakup & Divorce Coach?

Well, we suffer because we don’t accept that everything is impermanent and life is precious.

When a relationship isn’t working, we must try to fix it but also be willing to let it go if it’s not fixable.

Our purpose is not to add to the world’s suffering by hurting others or sacrificing our happiness.

It’s to heal ourselves and then help heal those who need us.

And guess what?

When we use our pain to help others, we heal ourselves even more.

So, back to Samsara.

When you start to become aware of unnecessary suffering, you begin to distance yourself from it.

The answer isn’t that difficult.

We can heal the world, but only if we are willing to heal ourselves first. And to do that we must stop focusing on wanting more, or even want different and be grateful for what we have right now.

And so, I continue to reach out to those who are suffering from a broken heart, unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel after their relationship ended.

I hope they are willing to let me take their hand and lead them out into the life they deserve – is that you?

Explore The Break Up course if you are serious about healing and finding peace in your life after a breakup, divorce, or any significant loss.