What is the “Hero Complex”?
The Hero Complex is when someone strives to be the hero of the situation. No matter the situation or the odds, they want to be the ones that save the day.
On the surface, this sounds like a good thing doesn’t it? After all, if we all strive to save the day, the day will be saved, right?
And although we may believe we are self-sacrificing, if we are honest with ourselves, our real motivation is often to gain approval from others. Ultimately we want to be liked and accepted by others.
The idea that saving others and being seen as a hero is often based on our need to feel more important and perhaps more significant. When we are in hero mode we may think we know what’s best for others, always trying to fix them or a given situation. And although that might come from good intentions, sometimes this can be damaging.
As a parent when we struggle to let our children make their own mistakes we stop them from learning for themselves. What’s worse is that some parents are so sure they know what’s best for their children that they prevent them from growth as independent, well adjusted young adults.
No industry is more hero complex based than teaching. The idea that teachers know what is best for young people has always troubled me. And the willingness of so many of these so-called heroes to take on the role only serves to massage the ego. None of us know what’s best for someone else, yes we can use our wisdom to support and guide but we are not better placed to know what is the right way for others.
When we are busying ourselves with appearing to be the hero, the trusted one, and the person others can count on, we don’t have to look too closely at ourselves. It is in all that distraction and busyness that we cover our truth and run away because if we stop and see it, maybe we will have to take action. And that is our biggest fear, so the better we sort out everyone else’s problems, the better we become a hero in the eyes of others than face our own deepest regrets. So we take on this hero complex so we don’t have to be the hero in our own story.
I’m not a hero, nor do I strive to be. I don’t willingly accept this manipulative psychology; you know the one that wants me to buy into the “hero complex”. However, I will be useful where I choose to be, I will offer my help when I can but please don’t ask me to be a hero.
Yes, sometimes I teach, sometimes I work with our young ones and I do my best to give them what they need. But I’m not a hero and I will not exchange my life for a job. I will stand up for the vulnerable, the weak, and those with no voice but please don’t ask me to be a hero.
I see what you are doing, playing on our vulnerabilities. The story goes like this, if you work hard, no harder, one minute a little harder then I’m no longer a teacher, a nurse, a doctor, I am a hero. How noble is that? So, in this game of hero maker should we forget we are humans too? Should we feel guilty if all we want is to do a good job and then get on with our real life?
Personally, I don’t need to be better than anyone, I am happy to let others have the glory that comes with being seen as a hero. In fact, I don’t need to be seen because I can see myself. I don’t need to be loved because I can do that for myself. But if it is offered in a genuine way, then I’ll take it and I’ll return it. But I don’t want to be a hero, I want to be me.